


The Monsters Are In Your Head, Not Under Your Bed

by Cy_Fi_TheAnswerIs42



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: And it's in the past, Angst, But be careful none the less, But only slightly mentioned, Depression, Gay, Gay John Laurens, Hopefully I got them all, Hurt/Comfort, I just feel like that needed to be tagged, It's not a graphic description though, Kinda, M/M, Major Character Injury, Nightmares, Once again it's in the past, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Shooting, Storms, Suicidal Thoughts, Very briefly mentioned past abuse, War, as he should be, mentioned past abuse, that's all the tags I can think of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-24 12:50:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14355888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cy_Fi_TheAnswerIs42/pseuds/Cy_Fi_TheAnswerIs42
Summary: They tell you that monsters lurk in the darkness. What they don't tell you is that the darkness is in your mind.Does that sound like a cool and mysterious summary? I think it does, lol. Anyways, it's Lams and comforting each other after nightmares, enjoy!





	1. Sha-BOOM Goes The Cannons (John)

**Author's Note:**

> First bit is Alex comforting John and the next one will be the other way around.

_The group was stopped at a river, just a quick five minute break from the long drive to their destination, a chance to stretch their legs, grab water, and prepare themselves for what was possibly awaiting them. Logically, John knew, there was probably no one there. The main fighting was about 100 kilometers north, so if they ran into anyone they were most likely lost, a fact that annoyed him. He wanted to be where the fighting was, where he could do the most good, where he could make a difference. Out here, there was nothing._

  
_Until there wasn’t._

  
_The sudden sound of rapid gunshots had him and the rest of the squad ducking for cover behind the large rocks scattered around them. John looked to the left, towards where the gunshots were coming from. All he could see were more boulders, the area was littered with them, unfortunately giving both sides cover. Suddenly he spotted a glint of metal poking out from between two of the rocks. It was pointed directly at one of his squad members. John didn’t hesitate as he ran forwards._

  
_And then he was falling backwards, fire in his chest._

-

John awoke with a gasp, hand clutching his chest. He curled his knees to chest and rested his head there, eyes wide open and seeing nothing as he clutched his arms and breathed raggedly. He could already feel the panic fading as the person next to him shifted.

“John?” Alex asked quietly as he sat up, already fully awake. “Are you alright?”

  
“I should be dead.” John whispered as the last of the panic faded into an all too familiar numbness. “I should have died.”

  
“No babe, you shouldn’t be.” Alex responded firmly, but not aggressively. “Are you alright with being touched right now?”

  
John nodded slightly and then felt Alex’s hand on his back, rubbing gentle circles. They sat in silence for a moment, John slowly relaxing as Alex continued the motion.

  
“What’s going through your head?” Alex questioned.

  
“I just…I should be dead.” John said, his voice flat and toneless. “I should have died over there, it’s what I deserve and-”

  
“John, none of that’s true.” Alex interrupted. “Can you look at me John?” John slowly raised his head and turned towards Alexander. His boyfriend had a small, sad smile on his face and nothing but love in his eyes. Alex’s hands moved up to gently frame John’s face, thumbs lightly stroking his cheekbones.

  
“John, no matter what has happened in the past, you don’t deserve death. No matter what anyone has ever said or done to you, no matter what you’ve done or failed to do, you don’t deserve death. You deserve to live, John. You deserve to live so you can be happy and see tomorrow, to live at the very least to spite those who have ever done you wrong.”

  
“But I’m just-” John started to argue, but Alex cut him off.

  
“John, you’re not a burden, not a freak, not a failure.” Alex reassured, know all too well what ran through the other man’s head at times like these. “No matter what your father or anyone else has said, you are caring, you are kind, you are amazing, and above all else, you are John Laurens, the man I love with every fiber of my being, and you being yourself alone makes you deserving of life.” With that final word, Alex pressed a gentle kiss to John’s lips, just a momentary connection that somehow conveyed every ounce of affection he felt for him.

  
“Ok.” John whispered, trembling slightly as tears fell down his face. “Can…can we just go back to sleep?”

  
“Yeah babe, we can do that.” Together they both lay back down, Alexander’s arms wrapped around John’s shoulders as he buried his face against Alex’s chest, his own arms around Alex’s waist.

  
“John?” Alex asked quietly, John feeling the vibrations from the single word.

  
“Yeah?” John responded, already guessing what was about to be said next.

  
“You know we have to tell your therapist about this tomorrow, right?”

  
“Yeah. We’ll do that in the morning. I just want to sleep now.” John said, holding Alex tighter.

  
“Ok. I love you.”

  
“I love you too.”


	2. Quiet, For Just One Moment (Alex)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It wasn't supposed to storm tonight...

There wasn’t supposed to be a storm tonight.

Both Alex and John watched the weather reports with near religious frequency, Alex out of necessity and John so he would know when he would be needed more than ususal, so between the two of them they had a decent grasp of what the weather would be like for the following seven days. Clouds had begun rolling in that evening and the wind started picking up, but the storm was just supposed to pass them and plague some other city, nothing else. Instead, late at night it changed direction, now with a new destination. It started with a light pattering on the window.

-

_Alex ran through the deserted streets as the rain pelted everything in sight, running as fast as his legs could carry him._

_“Someone, let me in, please!” He shouted as he pounded on the next door he came to, his voice cracking with desperation. He knew what was coming, he knew that as bad as it was now, it was just going to get worse, that he needed to find shelter from the storm. The fifteen-year-old ran, nearly getting knocked over by the wind, his head wiping from side to side as fast as the leaves on the trees as he searched for any sign of shelter._

_“Somebody, help!” Alexander screamed, trying to be heard over the howling of the wind and the pounding of the rain. He wasn’t going to find shelter in time, it was about to get so much worse. He stopped in the middle of the street, the previously chaotic world suddenly silent._

_It was quiet. For just one moment._

_Alex turned around slowly, his entire frame trembling because something was so, so wrong. He turned and saw the flood of water that was rushing towards him, that was taking all the buildings with it, **that already had everyone else from the town in it**_ **.**

_He didn’t even have time to scream._

_-_

As John was pulled from sleep he noticed two things immediately; the first was the pounding of rain outside, the second was the quickened breathing of his boyfriend, who’s frame shook like a leaf in a storm. John quickly sat up, turning on his bedside lamp, and then turned back towards Alex, his heart breaking slightly when he saw the tears slipping out from eyes that were squeezed shut.

“Alex, wake up, it’s alright.” John started whispering, gently shaking the other man’s shoulder. No sooner had he finished the sentence, Alex shot up, gasping for breath and eyes darting around the room unseeingly. A flash of light and the immediate roll of thunder following it brightened and then shook the room, making Alex gasp before curling up, his fingernails digging into his arms.

“Hey, none of that, it’s alright.” John soothed, taking Alex’s hands into his own and moving in front of him to try and block the window. “It’s alright, you’re safe Alex, you’re safe.”

“No, w-we have t-to get away, we c-can’t get a-away, th-there’s no escape!” Alex choked out, his breathing too fast and shallow.

“We’re safe right here Alexander, we’re going to be fine. Can you look at me please?” John requested, keeping his voice as calm as possible. It always hurt to see Alex so panicked, but the best thing he could do was try to help. “Come on, look at me babe, please?”

Slowly, Alex raised his head, his wide, tear-filled eyes staring into John’s. Another flash of lighting made the man flinch, his breath hitching and picking up to a worrying pace. John frowned slightly, he knew it would be best to get Alexander’s noise-canceling headphones so he could block out the sounds of the storm, but he didn’t want to leave him alone for any period of time, no matter how short.

“Alex, we need to get your breathing under control, ok? Watch and copy me.” John said, taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly, exaggerating the rise and fall of his shoulders. “I’m going to cover your ears so watch to see how I’m breathing and copy me, ok Alex?” Alexander nodded, his eyes glancing at the window behind John for a split second before going back to John. John gently took his hands, which where still holding Alex’s, and placed them both over Alex’s ears, interlocking their fingers and doing his best to block out the storm.

It wasn’t the perfect solution; it didn’t stop the flashes of lightning from the window or hide how sometimes the thunder shook the entire apartment, both making Alex flinch, but it blocked out the rain and wind, offering just enough respite that he could focus on following John through the breathing exercise. Slowly, as the storm began to pass, Alexander began to calm, his panic subsiding. John gently lifted both their hands from Alex’s ears.

“Are you alright Alexander?” He asked softly, knowing just how exhausted the other man probably was right now.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll be fine.” Alex whispered, sounding more like he was trying to convince himself than John. “Just…just a nightmare and then the storm…”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me babe, it’s alright.” John reassured, moving so he was sitting next to Alex. “Think you’re going to get any more sleep tonight?”

“Probably not. Sorry. I’ll just go to the living room so you can sleep.”

“Nope, I’m staying up with you. Let’s go watch some Disney or something.” John replied lightly, standing up. His boyfriend just stared.

“John, you’ll be exhausted tomorrow, I don’t want-” Alexander started.

“I’ll be fine, I want to help you.” John cut it before Alex could start ranting. “Come on, we can watch _Wreck-It Ralph_ , haven’t watched that in a while, plus it’s one of the few Disney movies that doesn't make you love a character and then kills them off.”

“I…” Alex started, stopping when John held out his hand, a soft smile on his face. Alex felt himself start to smile as well. “Ok, let’s go watch some Disney movies.” Alex said, taking John’s hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol, can you tell I don't know how to end things?

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't have a proof-reader and I did this in one go, have mercy on my nonexistent soul.


End file.
